June 8th of every year is her day :D .
SweetSour 14 .
Yeah! Councillor & NPCC .
Big Fan of Lollipop 棒棒堂 & Seto Koji ! ♥
承諾是用來遵守的 .
Sunday, May 11, 2008
,
12:55 PM
♥♥♥
yeah .
posting now .
yeah .
i did real badly for my MYE .
budd i swear ,
i've tried my best .
i really DID studied .
i didnt expected this ahs .
budd it all turned out like this .
i dunno how to tell my mom lerhs .
im really afraid that she'll not gimme any chances to prove myself to her anymore .
im really afraid that she wont trust me ,
wont trust that i really did studied ,
wont trust that i've really tried my best .
mommy is sick now ,
today's mothers' day .
can she take this blow ?
i dunno how to break the news to her .
i seeked mrs chiang for help on fri ,
she said she'll be calling mommy today ,
to explain to her .
thank uu mrs chiang !
budd still , i cant help wondering ,
if everything will go on perfectly ,
i dunno if mrs chiang's words would change my mom's opinion ,
in the jump frm pri sch to sec sch life .
im scared that she's too stubborn ,
that she wont listen to anybody .
im afraid that ,
she'll lose all hopes in me ,
as in , desperate in me .
im afraid, she'll not treat me as her daughter anymore .
i knew ,
i promised my grandpa before his passed away .
i promised him to excel in my studies ,
yet .. my grades ..
sorry grandpa .
sorry mommy .
budd what else can i do ?
what else can i do if my mom DOES NOT WANT TO gimme another CHANCE to do well in the EOY ?
i felt like dying ,
budd i know i cant .
cos , dying is a stupid way to escape & learn frm the reality .
so i wont seek death , though i wished to .
or maybe ,
can someone just knock me into coma ?
so that i'll see ;
hear ;
know ;
& feel NTH ?
i admit im afraid to face the reality now lerhs .
my mom told me ,
if i did badly for this mye again ,
she'll heck care me ,
she'll maybe not gunna lemme study ?
ppl say that she's just scaring me,
budd im still afraid .
that she takes her words seriously .
yah ,
really scared that she'll not be slapping or canning me like she normally would do ,
if she's really angry .
im scared that she'll not do anything with me ,
not talk to me ,
not scolding me ,
not nagging at me ,
not hugging me after crying for hours like hell .
this would make me feel rather weird .
i really hoped to let her cane , scold or whatever
after she found out the truth that i've did SOO SOO BADLY for my tests .
all i can think is onii two scenarios now ,
one - probably , desperate with me . lose all hopes in me
two - probably encourage me to do better next time & wont push all blames to me .
budd the risk of getting scenario one is maybe higher than the another one .
i hoped senario two would take place .
budd i dont think its possible ,
since mommy dont trust me ,
that i've studied & tried my best .
maybe she wanted me to die earlier ?
i tot it wouldnt be possible for her to think of this ,
budd what if she did ?
grr ~
whatever the situation is right now .
two words ,
one meaning ,
IM AFRAID .
