湘 の日記 . |
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Friday, July 11, 2008
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11:37 PM
♥♥♥
i tot i had forgotten alr , i tot i can let it all go alr , i tot i can get used to my life w/o ahgong alr , budd the tots all turned out wrongly . i dunno why , budd i just could not really accept the death of my ahgong , until now .. its been past 3months alr ... i tot he came back these few days , i wasnt really sure . i dunt know why , whenever i dreamt of hugging my ahgong in my dreams , they felt so , so , real . at times i really wondered if i can talk to him once more , hug him once more , kiss him on the cheeks once more . whenever i close my eyes , the senario of my ahgong's funeral appears . i kept recalling , the period before he died , the period he died ... i cant help thinking all the things that happened on o8/o4/2oo8 .. it kept reflecting , all the things . esp. the corpse of my ahgong in the coffin ... esp. when they put my ahgong into the coffin ... esp. in the hospital , my mom put the white cloth over his face when he died , on the hospital bed .. sometimes i kept thinking , why did i not ans the phone during assembly . i really blamed myself , cos until now , i still rmb what my ahgong told me 2 days before he died . he told me to study hard & get good grades , to excel in studies , & take care of my bro . budd , im being so unfilial for not fufiling , & my bro is getting more & more guailan . as each day passes by , the more i miss ahgong . yeah , cp marmie told me , to stop dwelling on the past , cos my ahgong wont want to see me cry , cos my ahgong wants me to lead a happy life & excel . yes , maybe that's what makes me putting on the tiring & fake smiles and laughters , almost everytime .. budd , i really miss ahgong . ahgong , i miss uu . can uu come back ? can i go find uu ? can i hug uu again ? can uu tell me uur childhood stories again ? can uu talk with me again ? can uu teach me more hokkiens ? can uu take care of me like uu always did again ? can uu not die , if the time could rewind , .... budd for now , i hope that uu live well in the heaven . i'll be looking at the skies , ahgong , be brave & jy .. i love you , we love you . |