Saranghaeyo. / ♥

Friday, July 11, 2008 ,

11:37 PM

♥♥♥

i tot i had forgotten alr ,
i tot i can let it all go alr ,
i tot i can get used to my life w/o ahgong alr ,
budd the tots all turned out wrongly .

i dunno why ,
budd i just could not really accept the death of my ahgong ,
until now ..
its been past 3months alr ...

i tot he came back these few days ,
i wasnt really sure .

i dunt know why ,
whenever i dreamt of hugging my ahgong in my dreams ,
they felt so , so , real .

at times i really wondered if i can talk to him once more ,
hug him once more ,
kiss him on the cheeks once more .

whenever i close my eyes ,
the senario of my ahgong's funeral appears .

i kept recalling ,
the period before he died ,
the period he died ...

i cant help thinking all the things that happened on o8/o4/2oo8 ..
it kept reflecting , all the things .
esp. the corpse of my ahgong in the coffin ...
esp. when they put my ahgong into the coffin ...
esp. in the hospital , my mom put the white cloth over his face when he died ,
on the hospital bed ..

sometimes i kept thinking ,
why did i not ans the phone during assembly .

i really blamed myself ,
cos until now , i still rmb what my ahgong told me 2 days before he died .

he told me to study hard & get good grades ,
to excel in studies ,
& take care of my bro .

budd , im being so unfilial for not fufiling ,
& my bro is getting more & more guailan .

as each day passes by ,
the more i miss ahgong .

yeah , cp marmie told me ,
to stop dwelling on the past ,
cos my ahgong wont want to see me cry ,
cos my ahgong wants me to lead a happy life & excel .

yes , maybe that's what makes me putting on the tiring & fake smiles and laughters ,
almost everytime ..

budd ,
i really miss ahgong .

ahgong , i miss uu .

can uu come back ?
can i go find uu ?
can i hug uu again ?
can uu tell me uur childhood stories again ?
can uu talk with me again ?
can uu teach me more hokkiens ?
can uu take care of me like uu always did again ?
can uu not die , if the time could rewind ,
....

budd for now ,
i hope that uu live well in the heaven .
i'll be looking at the skies ,
ahgong , be brave & jy ..

i love you ,
we love you .

湘の日記 .
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